If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
