How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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