You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
