I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
