I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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