just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
