hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize