that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Sorry my hands just texted you
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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