I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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