my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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