Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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