That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
