Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
