afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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