so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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