Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
