so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
