genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
