I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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