Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
pop tarts are not kleenex
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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