You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
