is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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