the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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