Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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