I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
