6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize