Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
