It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize