i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
