I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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