Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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