We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
