I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
