evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
BRING THE BAGELS
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
