Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
