Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
