Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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