I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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