So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
