The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize