I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize