i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
