My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
