The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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