Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
