the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
