did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
