I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
