Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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