its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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