mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
