I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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