why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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