That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
