i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
