I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
