So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
