Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We got so high we made milksteak
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
