i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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