the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
