well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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