the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
ttyl tear gas
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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