I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
