Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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