I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
