Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It was confusing and full of hummus
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We had sex on a dog bed..
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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