her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize