Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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